top of page

2023 Taco Bell New Year’s Eve Downtown Bowl Bash Cancelled After Day-Drunk Godzilla Eats Giant Taco

Godzilla Eats Giant Taco Bell Taco Tucson New Years

DOWNTOWN TUCSON- Reports are still flooding in as an evidently 'beligerant' Godzilla is stumbling his way westward on Congress after eating the giant New Year's Taco Bell Taco that Tucsonans have become familiar with while ringing in the new years.

"He's got that caca-strut! I know that walk!" local bartender Eduardo Lopez says while nervously laughing as he and his family take cover at The Monica. "He's gonna need a big-ass toilet, man! Some alka-seltzer and some prayers for the homie".

There appears to be calm after the chaos as first responders are evacuating citizens, assessing damages and trying to mitigate further destruction as he appears to be making his way to Sentinal Peak. "If he doesn't find somewhere to relieve himself within the next hour, our entire 2024 city budget will have to go towards reconstruction and sanitation. If we can lure him out past Tucson Mountain Park and into Old Tucson, we might be seeing a blessing in disguise with significant tourist revenue stream potential" stated a city official with Mayor Romero's office who wished to remain anonymous.

Many locals were shocked to hear Godzilla was residing in the Tucson city limits after his recent popularity skyrocketed with the cinematic release "Godzilla Minus One" and Apple TV's "Monach: Legacy of Monsters". 2024 will also be bringing "Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire" to theaters. Locals speculated that Godzilla felt overwhelmed and wanted to lay low but now we see that some celebratory over-indulgance has thrust him back into the spotlight.

The Tucson Times News will continue to cover this story as it unfolds.


bottom of page