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Total Garbage Human Redeems Himself After Adopting Dog From PACC


Adopting dog from PACC

TUCSON- Chet Renton of the eastside had an awakening recently. After years of being a complete garbage human being, he's finally found meaning and purpose after adopting "Chulo", a Labrador Retreiver mix from (PACC) Pima Animal Care Center after a stripper told him it might be a good idea.


For years, Mr. Renton has been on the 'down and out' road due to owing all his friends money, stealing out of fridge of several roommates, salacious acts in fast food drive-thrus, doing vape tricks during serious conversations, stealing the last slice of pizza he didn't pay towards, forging a college degree, engaging in cryptocurrency fraud, always needing a ride, committing frequent petty thefts at several local CVS stores,

scanning organic bananas as regular at self-checkout, parking in handicap spot, parking over two or more spots, speeding in school zones, sniffing the bras at Target, choosing 'no tip' on every barista's iPad, blaming obscene and grotesque, wet flatulence on strangers, talking on his phone during movies, urinating purposefully on toilet seats, driving slow in the left lane, asking Uber drivers to pull into a Circle K and then taking 25 minutes to find Takis, asking for a mojito at a busy bar and not holding the door open for strangers.


We asked Chet how things have changed for him since adopting at PACC. "Oh dude, it's great. Zephyr [editor's note: name of stripper] is usually mad at me after I try to pay in scratch tickets, but for some reason, this time around, she looked me in the eyes and said something like 'you really need to get your sh-- together' and then told me I needed to start making healthier choices in life and could probably use a pet to get used to some responsibility. She told me that PACC animals were free to adopt, are spayed or neutered, microchipped and up to date on vaccinations."


We asked him what it was like finding Chulo. "Chulooooooo! He's my dawg, in the literal and homie sense haha! Honestly, I felt what I think were actual human emotions when I walked in there and saw so many dogs and cats in need of a loving home. When Chulo's eyes met mine, it's like we were instant buds. I took him for a walk and we just vibed. After that, I just made the decision to be a better person and at least clean up the Taco Bell bags in my apartment so the homie could have somewhere good to chill. It's been a couple weeks and already i'm spending all my time talking to him and making sure he's happy and I haven't had much time to make other people miserable. Honestly, I feel like a changed man."


We declined to ask whether or not he's cleaning up after Chulo during walks because we already knew the answer. The Tucson Times will stay in touch with Chet in case there are more positive developments.


Pima Animal Care Center is located at 4000 N Silverbell Rd and you can find more information about adoption or volunteer opportunities at https://www.pima.gov/2233/Pima-Animal-Care-Center-PACC

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