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Your Parents Probably Banged At Hotel Congress

Your Parents Probably Banged At Hotel Congress
Your Parents Probably Banged at Hotel Congress

TUCSON, AZ- Let's face it. Your parents probably made some long, dirty whoopee at Hotel Congress some years back. Your dad was puffin' away on some Malboro Reds as a synth-pop band played inside Club Congress before he headed into the bar to buy your mom another vodka tonic and himself a whiskey straight. They had to make a pee-pee and after that stumbled in the hallway hot, sweaty and rearin' to go back up to their room to go at it fast and hard!

Your mom probably bought your dad some Kama Sutra book she heard about from her friend at work and they decided to get a room at the hotel just to spice it up a bit. Your dad was bench pressing a new personal record and had the testosterone of a Spanish bull while your mom was spry from all of the Richard Simmon's workouts she saw on TV. She had new leggings she wanted your dad to rip off of her while petting his moustache and hairy chest.

After 2 whole hours of sweet love making, they smoked a cigarette in bed and talked about how much disposable income they had and planned on buying a second house just because they were young and America was thriving. Also your dad loved the sex so much, he bought your mom a Mercedes 560SL because his boss gave him a raise for no reason. He worked part time at a fine carpet store and your mom stayed at home after saving $70,000 in High School working a part time Summer job at a pretzel shop. They probably high fived after sex and talked about how happy and fortunate they were to thrive in an amazing economy and didn't have a care in the world. Then they watched the latest episode of Miami Vice, the same show everyone else was watching so they could relate to their peers easily.

They spontaneously bought a plane ticket to Jamaica the next day and turned up the airport just ten minutes before departure and just walked straight up to the gate where the airline employee gave them a bottle of champagne to take onboard the non-crowded flight. You were concieved in Jamaica after your dad showered your mom with island rum and thrusted into her as steel drums echoed into the night.

You now have a studio apartment and the heir to your throne is a bearded dragon who will take over your student loan payments after you pass away. Hotel Congress is located at 311 E Congress St, Tucson, AZ 85701 and your parents were satisfied with room 200.


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