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Christopher Nolan Demanding All Dads Sign Affidavit Promising Not To Make ‘Dropping Own Bomb’ Jokes


Christopher Nolan Demanding All Dads Sign Affidavit Promising Not To Make ‘Dropping Own Bomb’ Joke When Going To Bathroom Before “Oppenheimer”

Christopher Nolan Demanding All Dads Sign Affidavit Promising Not To Make ‘Dropping Own Bomb’ Joke When Going To Bathroom Before “Oppenheimer”.


TUCSON, AZ- Christopher Nolan has urgently issued a press release proclaiming that if theaters will be showing his newest film "Oppenheimer", they MUST abide by his newly imposed condition that they will enforce a "No Dad Joke" policy or he will revoke the rights for them to showcase the film.


In the release, Nolan states: "If they wish to make low-brow jokes about fecal matter in relation to one of the most, if not THE most, terrifying of technological advancements in collective human history, then I wish them semi-well and insist they go see 'Barbie' instead. They will feel at home with the droves of mediocre, starry-eyed troglodytes en-masse there."


The conditions state that theaters must have men of 'fatherly status' sign an affidavit promising not to make jokes about 'bowel movements' as they relate to 'catastrophic explosion devices' immediately after the purchase of a ticket to his newest feature film, "Oppenheimer", which tells the story of American scientist J. Robert Oppenheimer and his role in the development of the atomic bomb.


Christopher Nolan Demanding All Dads Sign Affidavit Promising Not To Make ‘Dropping Own Bomb’ Joke When Going To Bathroom Before “Oppenheimer”

Immediately after the press release, numerous popular movie theater chains have adopted the condition including AMC, Cinemark and Harkins. We asked Patrick McColley, owner of Squared Up Pizza in Park Place Mall, his thoughts on this extreme new policy since he is located right across from a Cinemark theater.

"At first I was a little surprised he would take it that far. I mean, I'm as much as a Nolan fan as I am a pizza master so I trust that he's making the right call. Someone needs to pull the reigns back on dad jokes, I guess. I'm just glad it's not me. Dads love pizza and that's a demographic I'm not trying to alienate."

We asked him if he's been a victim of dad jokes at his establishment before.


"Well, to be honest, not dad jokes per say. But when the Mario Movie came out, I can't tell you how many dads tried to do the 'Mario' voice while ordering a Famous Pepperoni Square. After the 5th (Patrick puts on Mario voice) "HERE-WE-GO," "MAMA MIA!" and "ITS-A-ME--" and then they would say their name instead of Mario's, I had to take a break and go to the back to make more garlic knots. It got bad, dude."

Oppenheimer releases in theaters on July 21, 2023.

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