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Man Realizes He Can Eat For Free Every Day By Saying He's a Food Blogger

TUCSON, AZ- Chet Karrington reminisces on his recent trials and tribulations before pushing his (mostly) devoured plate of goat cheese panna cotta-adorned brussel sprouts aside to let out an impressive belch.

"I've was kicked out of all three Tucson Costco locations for exploiting the kindness of the sample ladies," he says with a grin. "I was broke and had to borrow my friend's membership card to go in and basically get all of my sustenance from the elderly sample ladies just to survive. A peanut butter pretzel bite here, a Vienna sausage bite there. I even did the whole 'fake mustache' thing for when I wanted to swing my cart back around for seconds. I kept the warehouses on rotation just to evade detection, but they eventually got me."

We meet Chet at the Arizona Inn's main dining room where he claims they comped him a room for 3 nights.

"Then it dawned on me. Why don't I just start a food blog? I see these guys in big cities do it and they're getting wined and dined for free to write up something fancy. I told myself, 'pshh, I can do that.'"

His main entree arrives: the Pan-Seared Salmon with Lemon Beurre Blanc, Red Onion Marmalade, Sautéed Vegetables, Roasted Fingerling Tomatoes, Tomato Confit.

Chet looks and maintains stern eye contact with the young waiter as he lowers his head toward his plate. The tip of his tongue shyly slithers out to barely glide over the salmon. He takes a deep, deep highly audible sniff and leans back before giving the waiter a nod. The waiter enthusiastically recedes back into the swinging kitchen doors.

"I honestly didn't know what ninety percent of this means on the menu. Lemon burr blank? Tomato confitt? Sounds good to me!" He aggressively digs in.

We ask him what his process is and how long it took to become an esteemed food blogger.

"Honestly, it wasn't as hard as you think. I spent an hour in Photoshop making a badge with a logo I paid some overseas kid on Fivver for and I just walk up to any restaurant I want and ask to speak with a manager. I say 'I'm with Tucson Bites and I'd like to write a review. Bring me your finest dish, please' and next thing you know, I'm getting the VIP treatment. It's second nature at this point. When the waiter comes to the table, I whisper something in fake French and then say 'ah yes' while pointing at a menu and they bring me out some bangers. It's insane, dude."

We ask if he's ever been asked for follow-up or if he's ever been called out for his fraudulent behavior.

"It's happened once or twice. I usually just stare at the manager without blinking while pointing my fingers into my open mouth while making gagging noises until they bring me food and then I leave right after."

We watched Chet finish his meal and speak whispered French to employees he passed by before making his way to his room. We plan on keeping updated on Chet's food journey and will be writing another piece in the near future.


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